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Yesterday I went to Ithemba. For those who don’t know what Ithemba is, it’s a afterschool program
that I interned at as an FYM and now
lead a ministry team to. I went to see
how things were going for the team. Things were going good. So I
played with the kids like I use to. One
of the kids, Koko, [He happened to be one of my favorites from my FYM year.]
came up to me crying. It happened that
one of the girls picked on him and hurt him. So I found the girls that hurt
him, she said sorry and then I picked him up to comfort him and hold him for a
little bit. Then one of the workers,
Trinos, came to me and told me to put him down. So I did. And then not a minute
later he starts to cry again. Not a
simple cry but a full out cry. I didn’t
know where it came from so I took him to Nomsa for her to ask him why he was
crying. He wouldn’t say. He kept crying. So we sat him down. Still crying he brought out the puppy dog
poor me face. At this point I really
wanted to pick him up and hold him but Trinos told me not to. That picking him up is what he wants. That he cries to get attention and that is
what he needs. But if I were to pick
him up it would make him dependent and think that the only way to feel loved or
the only time he thinks he is loved is when someone is holding him. But all the ladies were saying that if he
wants to be picked up then I should.
I sat there looking at him and tried to figure out what is
best for the 5 year old boy whose mom left him when he was 10 days old, whose
dad works and drinks, and whose older sister who is about 11 takes care of him
and his brother.
I could see both sides. On one side we are taught that we need to meet felt needs. Those needs that you can meet and can be
helped. And I could clearly see that
this boy needed to feel loved. Need to
know that someone in his world loves him. He wants like all of us to feel needed and loved. So the simple act of
picking him up and holding him would fix the problem. He would feel loved and would quite crying.
Right? Well that is when the other side
comes into play. If I pick him up then
does he become reliant on that to feel loved? Is the problem that I see really the problem? I mean if my mom left me when I was a baby
and my dad is never around and I pretty much grew up on the streets I would
have more of a problem then what people think. How can picking him up fix it? How can me holding him help him to get thru the struggles that that he
is going to go thru. Wouldn’t it be a
hindrance to him? Is the need that I saw
then [the crying] the one that I needed to meet? Or is there a need that is at the base of
that that needs to be met? And how do
you do that with a little boy who speaks a different language then you who
doesn’t understand that life can be better that what he knows?
So what did I do? I
followed Trinos’s instructions and didn’t pick him up. I actually got so frustrated with the whole
situation that I walked away. Went and
found happier kids to play with, ones who I didn’t have to be challenged
by. So Koko I am sorry. I am sorry that your mom left, that your dad
is a crappy dad, that the kids make fun of you, and that I didn’t stay with you
and somehow show you that I do love you. Know that I love you and it hurts to see you like that.
Question: Would you
have picked him up and held him? Please
I would love help with this. This is a common problem I come across in working
at Ithemba.
