So part of my internship is to blog every week. Some weeks its really easy to find stuff to blog about. But some weeks like this last one it's hard. I don't know why. It's not like nothing happened. I think it's more like they are weeks that weren't anything special. Nothing fantastic happened. Nothing terrible happened. Lately, like in the past month a lot has been going on. Which makes it nice to have a laid back week. A week with time to relax and look back on what has happened this past year. It has almost been a year since I left Africa. Which means that it has almost been a year that I have been in the states. Looking back it has been a good year. Maybe not a year of all fun and games. There has definitely been some hard parts and some moments that I wish wouldn't have happened when I was in them. But I know now that those are when the Lord taught me the most.

We were just recently at a debrief of two of our team that just got back from three months overseas in India and Swazi. One of the words of advice and wisdom that was given to them was don't get comfortable with the American way again. Stay like you are. Stay hurting for the kids that you fell in love with. Stay disappointed with the lack of knowledge that is in America of what the rest of the world is about. Such great words. As they were being said I was thinking about how I have lived my life this past year. Have I readjusted. And I have to answer- Yes. Sadly. I don't like that answer but its true.

Like the fact that I throw away food everyday. Not a lot but some kids that I worked with last year would love to have so much that they feel like they could throw it away. I hate that I throw it away. Just lately I have been feeling guilty about it. I hate when I go thru our fridge and have to throw away half of heads of lettuce or that half a loaf of bread that we were so excited about but then forgot about. How could we forget. I mean it sits on our microwave all week in plain sight.

Then there's the fact that like all Americans I have found myself thinking first about me. I remember first getting back to the states from Africa. Even in the airport I could feel the rudeness. And I hated it. Now I am catching myself being that way at times. Just the other day Em, King and I were down by the lake hanging out and an old man came up and started talking to us. I ignored him at first. Pretended to have my music up so that I couldn't hear. Then when he wasn't leaving I talked to him but only in a way that would make him feel unwanted. I was so mean. All I wanted was for him to leave. But why? He wasn't bad. He was probably a lonely old man that just wanted some company. And I was the rude 20 year old who didn't want anything to do with him. I hate the way I treated him.

Then there is the fact that I don't know when the last time I prayed for my kids from last year was. I sadly have pushed them back in priorities. When they probably should be first. I mean they are still starving. Still being raped and molested. Still losing their parents to AIDS. Its not like their lives have turned around since I left. But that is how I am acting. And I am ashamed. I mean you would think that I could remember to pray for them to lift them up and think about them. But no I think I am to busy for that. But Im not I know that. I just think that I am.

Why is it that when we are overseas or on a mission trip we are different then we are in normal life? Why cant we be the same all the time? Why cant we have the same heart for people in our own town or country as we do in Africa. So many people want to help Africa but what about America. I mean I know that the Lord has called me to Africa to work there and show his heart for his kids there but why can't while I am here in America do that here? How do you say no to the American mind set and put on the kingdom one when you are surrounded by in all day long?