Facebook isn’t all its cracked up to be.

Humans
need to connect and be connected to others. People need others in their lives,
and Facebook promises to help with that. Everyone with a profile has friends
and connections, but fulfilling the human need of relationship cannot be solved
as easily as Facebook implies. Facebook has its users believing that by using
their services they will no longer feel lonely or be friendless; by using
Facebook they will always have someone to talk to.  But many times users log on hoping for a new post on their
wall or an updated thread and when they do not, disappointment comes.

Facebook
defines its connections as friendships. A user invites people to be his or her
friend. How many of peoples Facebook friends are actually friends of
theirs?  A friend is someone that a
person has a relationship with and who they like. The majority of the time
friends share common characteristics and values.  When two friends take a walk in the park they are able to
appreciate the beauty around them, or when two friends go shopping they can
find a great outfit. The hands on visible value of things help to connect
people. Seeing someone’s reaction to something and realizing that you share
that reaction. Friends know what each other likes, what the others values are
and is able to share them.  
Facebook has changed the definition of a friend. On Facebook a friend is
totally different. A friend on Facebook could be someone that the user knows
someone they have never met. A user just need to be willing to click the accept
button and let them have access to their profile. Facebook takes the personal
aspect out of relationships. No longer are there a person-to-person connection
but a person-to-computer-to-computer-to-person connection. Facebook is not
bringing users closer together it draws them farther apart from each other and
results in deteriorated relationships. 

Facebook
has organized everyone’s information the same easy way to read and view.  Facebook wants its users to feel close
to their friends by being able to view pictures and read information. This also
happens when reading a book or watching a movie. Just because information is
known about someone or what he or she looks like is public information does not
mean you are in a relationship with them.

We
are farther away from each other than ever before yet thinking we are closer.
Facebook provides way to believe you
are close since you are reading about them, just like with Harry Potter or
Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

A
couple years ago I had a friend who I saw about five days a week who I talked
to more and interacted with more on Facebook than I did in person.  We were playing scrabble, Super Heroes,
writing on each other’s wall all before we had met in person and we worked in
the same one story building of a small Christian organization. Facebook had me
believing that this action was okay, that there was no need to talk to him in
person. We were connected and that is what mattered. I finally realized how
backwards it was and sought him out to introduce myself. After that we had a
real friendship. We each knew who the other was; we connected on a
person-to-person level, which is something that Facebook will never be able to
offer. We spoke face to face with no computer screens between us.  Talking face to face provides you with
a clear view of the person’s nonverbal communication.  I learned a lot more about him off Facebook than I ever did
on.

I’m
not saying that Facebook is terrible and everyone should all deactivate our
pages right now, but I am saying that we need to know how it affects
pre-Facebook relationships, and new Facebook friendships. Maybe a relationship
is out there that could change a users life but has no chance to because a
computer screen and 26 letters are holding it down, smothering it. Nonverbal
communication, which includes body language, makes up the majority of what you
say. When reading a wall post or a comment a user cannot see or hear the
other’s nonverbals.  
Relationships are so much more than words and pictures on a computer
screen.  A relationship is that hug
given a friend after a really bad day, or that laugh you share about an inside
joke.

Relationships
are built on times when people interact, share experiences, and are real with
each other. Relationships are built on actions.  Facebook keeps users from being there for their friends. It
has made things easy. For Example it is Sallie’s birthday. Sallie is Jessica’s
friend. Sallie taught Jessica how to tie her shoes in kindergarten and the two
of them grew up together. Jessica notices on her Facebook homepage that it is
Sallies birthday.  She proceeds to
click on sallies name and go to her profile. Where she writes, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”
and posts it on Sallies wall. There, now that Jessica has wished her a happy
birthday she can go on with her day. Two words on a Facebook wall seem like it
is appropriate for the birthday of a good friend. A birthday is a day to feel
loved and celebrated. A day to celebrate that person: their day. To most people
two words and a few exclamation marks on their wall from a good friend will not
make them feel special. But a card or a call that someone took effort in and
put their personality in would.

I
understand that life is busy and fast pace these days, that sometimes there
just is not time or money to make a phone call or mail a letter.  I have many friends overseas and in
other states that I use Facebook to keep us connected; but to rely completely
on Facebook for all of your relationships. To have Facebook be the main media
to connect with friends only leads to disaster. People need to put effort, time
and heart into relationships to make them survive.

 Facebook downplays how important a real
relationship is.  Friendships are
not taken as seriously as they should be on Facebook.  Relationships take a lot of effort to work.  Any given person has to put a lot into
relationships, whether with a sibling, parent, best friend, or significant
other. Facebook says it is easy, but anyone who has been in a relationship
knows that it is not an easy road, but more like a roller coaster, with hills,
turns, twists and tunnels. There are obstacles and trials in any relationship.
I know that there are times of laughter, success and triumph in relationships too,
but Facebook wants its users to believe that relationships are only filled with
happy times and that its easy to connect.

 Facebook expects us to post our
celebrations; to find statuses or a wall posts that talk of trials or hardships
is hard.  Users can agree with
peoples status’s with a  “like”
button but where is the “unlike” button. Users can become fans of something but
there is no option to be against. Daily Facebook has new people that they
suggest a user to become friends with. Users no longer need to look for people
they are placed in front of them.

Last
year I was able to live in a house full of other college students.  We knew nothing about each other
starting out, all from different cities and states.  But soon after moving in friendships began, real
relationships were built.  We had
tough times but we also became a family. 
There are many memories that I have from this past year some sad (an
unexpected death), some great (House Olympics), others that are just plain
crazy (flat tires that catch fire). 
But I lived with 14 other humans for nine months and got to build an
intimate relationship with each one, spending time with them, talking to them,
going on adventures to find a butcher together. Those memories are something
that Facebook could never have supplied me with. Memories that are with me now
when we are all back in our separate cities. Now that we are no longer living
with each other it is more important than ever to put effort into those
relationships to keep them alive, which is proving to take more than a thread
on Facebook, or wall messages.  If
I never call those amazing people and check in or take a road trip to see them
then our relationships that we put so much effort in and built are going to
crumble.

On
Facebook no effort is needed, just one click of the mouse and a new friend is
made.  They are easy relationships.
One can just sit at their desk and have all their relationships organized in
front of them. The truth is relationships are not organized they are messy. A
relationship is a place where one can go up to the other person and tell them
how something is with them knowing it comes from a person who cares about them,
telling them what they need to hear whether it is that a shirt looks terrible
on them or that they were hurt by something they did. How many Facebook
relationships are like that? I have about five and that is only because we were
friends first in the real word before we were friends on Facebook.

Going deeper than surface level in relationships is
hard on Facebook. In society these days many friends with shallow relationships
is better than a few friends that are really close.  Gone are the days when someone would have a couple best
friends in which they tell everything to. 
Facebook has helped with this trend. The fact that anything said to
someone (except for messages) is for the public to see keeps people from
becoming close. No one wants to have a private conversation that everyone can
read. Because of this relationships stay at a safe level, in the honeymoon stage.
Staying surface level with lots of friends helps one to not get hurt. If one
distances him or herself from people then no one can hurt them. But in doing
that they are just hurting themselves.

Facebook has come to be a status thing, a contest to
see who can get the most friends. The more friends the cooler one is. I
currently have 457 friends on Facebook and by no means is that a lot (a friend
of mine has over 2000 friends). Only about 150 do I connect with on a
semi-regular basis (about once a year) and about 50 on a normal regular basis.
About 14 do I connect with on a weekly basis and only 3-5 do I connect with on
a daily basis.  Those 443 that I do
not talk to on a weekly basis, especially those 150+ that I only talk to once a
year Facebook labels friends. But they are not. Those are people who I met
once, went to high school with or have never even met. I would call them
acquaintances. I am as close to them as I am to you.

People
have no idea what Facebook is doing until all their relationships are dead and
they are left sitting in front of a screen full of organized profiles of people
that they once knew and interacted with. 
Just like Twitter and My Space, Facebook has supplied its users with a
place to go and connect with others. And just like them Facebook is an excuse
not to pick up the phone, a pen, or make an effort to grow a relationship.
Facebook has created a false sense of closeness.  You are never closer to a person then when standing next to
them. Facebook has stolen that from us and has us believing that it is okay.